I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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