It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
what day is it and did you see me today?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
