Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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