SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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