I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
