some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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