just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
