i was born a porn star she said
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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