So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
40s are totally the cure
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
