That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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