i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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