Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
