just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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