Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
