I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
