Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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