he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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