DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
