Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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