I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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