Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
