i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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