oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just had sex on a roof
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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