hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
