she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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