a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
