I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
