we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
