That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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