There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
