I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
