I wish I could teleport
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
