a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this boner is exhausting
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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