Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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