I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
