You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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