??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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