i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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