I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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