Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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