I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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