Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
