to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
