I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I could fuck to npr.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
