he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
