ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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