now i know why i became what i already was.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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