Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
