After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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