Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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