I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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