I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
