I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
