So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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