you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
