Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
