i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
