Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
