in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
