For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
