Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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