happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he thought i was a dude.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
