sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Someone signed my nipple.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
