you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
