went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
