I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
