just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
