Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
