We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
