yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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