i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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