spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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