Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
