Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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