Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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