my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
