I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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